Friday, 28 October 2016

Crawl or Die (2014)

I like films that have beginnings. This one does not.

"Coolest Creature Design Since Aliens" - see images below

It's not that this is a bad film, as such, more than it isn't a film. Normally, here, I would be writing a synopsis, but I don't know what to write, as I have so many unanswered questions.

Basically the beats of the movie are such: People are in a forest in a gun fight. They climb down a hole. They blow up the hole. People die. Flash back explaining they are transporting the last pregnant woman alive. More people die. Monster. Crawling. Get out of hole.

Huh?

So many questions. Who are they fighting at the beginning? If this is "Earth II" why did we colonize a planet teaming with aliens (that look suspiciously like xenomorphs)? Where was the transport? Why do these tunnels exist? Spoiler: If you shot the last pregnant woman alive in the face (which you did) aren't we all a bit fucked?

Okay, so it's a bit plotless. Lets try something else.

Of the cast, the only real player is Tank (yes, they all have names like that), played by Nicole Alonso (who composed the theme music and produced the movie). Her acting wasn't terrible, but she's clearly not a seasoned actor. It's directed by Oklahoma Ward. Not bad either, but nothing noteworthy.

Creature effects?

Well. Here's some images:

Yep. Even a mouth in a mouth.

Drooling.

To be fair, the creature effects are pretty good, but damn, that's a straight rip off. Director Ward stated on IMDB: 

"Why so ALIEN like - well - the drawings I have - it is not so ALIEN like. But creating my drawing - well lol - we did the very best we could ( and am proud-of) what we physically created. The monster is more spider-like with a dash of metallic alien qualities which in the sequel will be more fleshed out via more time and finances." 

Overall it's a watchable movie, just not really finished. Or explained. And apparently we're getting a sequel. 



And there's a lot of gratuitous ass shots. Quick, bad-ass female protagonist, get down to your underwear! 

Ripley she ain't. And this ain't Alien.

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