Shadow: Dead Riot (2006)

According to IMDB: "Evil voodoo-practicing serial killer Shadow gets executed for murdering pregnant women. Twenty years later the prison Shadow was put to death at has been turned into an experimental women's penitentiary. Tough and fiercely autonomous new inmate Solitaire has some kind of link with Shadow. When Shadow and his lethal shambling zombie minions are resurrected, it's up to Solitaire to stop them."

Um. No.

This is the cover I got.
It lies.

Okay, let me lay down the truth on the blurb. The first line is true: "Evil voodoo-practicing serial killer Shadow gets executed for murdering pregnant women". This happens in the first six or seven minutes. It's very reminiscent of House III, a personal guilty pleasure of mine.

This is the next bit: "Twenty years later the prison Shadow was put to death at has been turned into an experimental women's penitentiary. Tough and fiercely autonomous new inmate Solitaire has some kind of link with Shadow. When Shadow and his lethal shambling zombie minions are resurrected, it's up to Solitaire to stop them." Also true. However, this is the last twenty minutes of the movie. 

So what's with the other hour?

Starring Tony Todd (Candyman) is a lie. As said here, Todd is in it for no more than about twenty minutes. In a bad wig. 

The film actually stars Carla Greene. And she kicks ass. According to IMDB she really hasn't done much acting. Nothing since 2009. She's a good lead, playing a martial arts prison inmate. The problem is the film she's in.

See, after the seven minutes of "twenty-years-previous serial killer" the movie throws itself into full sexploitation.

The film promises:

Eek! Zombies!!

but delivers this:

Revel at the horror of the shower scenes!!

this...

See the lesbian warder intimidate the prisoners!!

...and this...

Watch the prison doctor molest and rape the inmates!!

I mean, I'm sure Tony Todd was blackmailed into this. Really. 

After the initial Todd - who really isn't putting his all into this - is off-screen, we skip to twenty years in the future and the prison he was in is now a women's prison. "FROM THE SS". The warders and wardens are all lesbians blackmailing the inmates into sex, the doctor is randomly drugging and raping inmates. Any inmate that might get harmed in the process is just buried in a hole in the yard.

This is in big city US.

Modern day.

You can't just off prison inmates and bury them in the yard like over-grown onions.

If you are looking for a reason to watch this exploitation tripe, Carla Greene is good. The fight scenes are pretty impressive. I'd like to see her act and fight again. 

Other than that, you need to be 14. Pretty much everyone other than Todd and Greene strip.

Sadly, this is available on DVD and Bluray.

And sadly we don't do zero stars.